From Divorced to Direction

“I’ll meet you at the hotel ;)”

I stared at my phone in disbelief. My job was to stay with the girls while she was meeting up with some guy she met on Facebook?

I knew it was over. Everything I’d been doing for seven years for her, and this was how she wanted to repay me? I stood in her corner when she was about to take her own life, I gave her kids, a home, the freedom to do what she wanted… and all of it came to a screeching halt.

Little did I know my new life was about to begin.

All I knew in that moment was that I was 265 pounds, heartbroken, and single.

I got my girls every other weekend. That first one after she moved out and I had time without the girls, I sat in my bed wondering what the hell I was going to do. I had friends, but they were all married with kids. They had a life, and mine was empty.

I looked back over the times I sacrificed for her. I gave up so much so that we could be the family that we were, imperfections and all. And I yearned for it back, just not with her. The only was to go was forward and it was the last place I wanted to go. 

So of course, I tried a dating app.

The third person to come up on Tinder was my youngest daughter’s preschool teacher, so that didn’t last long.

Why did I go to a dating app, like that was the thing that was going to solve everything? Find someone else to fill in the hole in my life? I just wanted someone to be around. I had taken a profile picture, looked over my profile again and again trying to craft the perfect message. But the fact is, I still was as big as I was and I HATED looking at the guy in the photo.

“I can’t ever look like that again”.

I made a vow that day that I was going to get in shape. I started on the elliptical and I started running. And then, I started documenting it. Taking inventory of how the workouts were, and how I felt. Then I started doing that every day.

For two years I documented. I kept track of every book I read, every workout pattern, every emotional moment. I began to treat my life like it was a story worth telling.

Along the way I had scrapes and bruises. I finally did match with someone on the apps. She was cute but… she had the same name as my ex. I chose to ignore that and went on the date with her hoping to get some good practice, and possibly to take her home with me; see how this newfound confidence thing was working out. We had a GREAT night. At a nerdy bar, with Mario Kart and board games, we laughed and sat close, she held my hand in hers. Another gal said “you’re such a great boyfriend”. I ate that UP. We chatted with a group of people: some guys, some girls… It was like a dream. But all dreams come to an end, so I walked her back to her car, she turned to me as I opened here door, and she kissed me. I was on cloud nine.

So in the sky, that about a third of the way home I realized I left my credit card.

The parking spot right in front of the bar was providence, as I was grabbing it real quick and getting back in the car. Stepping out of the car smiling, it faded quickly.

There she was in the arms of another guy.

The rest of the night was a blur as I grabbed my card and started to drive back home. *ding - The text tone went off but I was too made to read it. I knew my journal was waiting at home, and along the way I shouted what I’d write. My anger and frustration flowed out of me like a waterfall.

I wasn’t just mad at her. I was mad at all of them. I let it out. And as I yelled and wrote, I cried. I cried for the life I once had, for the hurt that I’d kept inside, for the dream of what could have been.

When my friend asked me how my date went, I told him and didn’t hold back. For some reason I wasn’t afraid what he thought of me, what he might say. In that moment I’d realized that I cared so much about how other people saw me that I didn’t tell people what was REALLY going on. 

The days of hiding my story were over.

The days of telling a new story began.

A story of connection on purpose with all people, men and women alike. As soon as I started telling the new story, my life changed.

-I lost 75 pounds.
-I found my calling again.
-I gained confidence talking with women.
-My salary increased.
-I met the love of my life (funnily enough, soon after we met she texted me 
“I’ll meet you at the hotel ;)”).
-My kids saw their father transform into an endlessly patient man.
-I started a business.

-Most importantly, I MASTERED my emotions.

The power of telling a new story is one of the most powerful things we can do. When we succumb to the old story and become the victim instead of the hero, we give all our power away. We take responsibility off the table and that means it is impossible for us to change. The truth is, YOU are the HERO in your story.

June is Men’s Mental Health Month. You have the chance to become the hero of your story, to start telling it to others and not letting the way they see you change the truth within. Every one of you has a powerful story to tell. The fact that you’re reading this e-mail means that you’re ready to take a step.

The bravest thing you can do to take charge of your mental health is to make that one decision, right now, that will transform you into a man you won’t recognize as the same man you are now.

I look back with so much compassion on the 2019 version of myself. And he’s grown into a transformative, authentic man with limitless possibilities.

What kind of hero will you become?

Find out with us at Guy Skool. On June 10th, 2024, we’ll open up the floor for those who want to run a trial of your hero development.

We are only accepting 20 people for this cutting edge experience.

If you’re interested in becoming the hero in your story, transforming your pain into superpowers, and kicking Men’s Mental health month off with a bang, fill out this form so we can get you on the list. First come, First served, and slots will run out quick.

After you fill it out, I’ll be in touch with you to see if this is a good fit for you. And to be honest, Most men wouldn’t be a good fit for this. Most men are content not being the hero; most men are ok being a sidekick.

Are you?

Fill out the form here. 

Take care of yourselves,

Anthony.
From Hardened Strength x Guy Things